We get by with a little help from our friends….

We get by with a little help from our friends….

Joe Cocker died today at the age of 70, having succumbed to Small Cell Lung Cancer. His rendition of “With a Little Help from my Friends” at Woodstock in 1969, is my all-time favorite. The passion he had while singing always amazed me, his moves always made me smile. The loss of his voice and talent is tremendous. The loss of his life to Cancer is horrible. The loss of his life to LUNG CANCER hits home with me, as I too have Lung Cancer. Mine is Non-Small Cell Adenocarcinoma Stage 3A.

What makes me even sadder is that Joe Cocker’s death seems to have become a way for people to publicly blame the patient for the disease, based on comments I am reading.  This just makes me so sad. Over the past 3 years, I have learned that this is nothing new in the Cancer world…..this is nothing new in the regular world….I have yet to attend a Cancer Patient meeting/event where I have not heard this from other patients. I have yet to hear another patient or person blame a different type of Cancer patient for their disease. Nobody blames a Breast Cancer patient, nobody blames a Stomach Cancer patient etc. I am not trying to sound mean; I am just sad, angry and fed up. Nobody provides support; there are “no paint the town a color” months for us.  Yet people feel inclined to point out to Lung Cancer patients that ‘I bet you smoked’….the sad thing is in the past 2 years, I have held the hands of 2 dying friends, one who had Small Cell Lung Cancer and never smoked and one who had Small Cell Lung Cancer and did smoke, yet also worked as a mechanic and was exposed to numerous carcinogens.  We talked about the misconceptions, the blame game, the overall sadness and despair felt by Lung Cancer patients, the lack of support, the need to become each other’s support, the moments when one or more of us felt like ending it before it ended us. I sit here typing this, as the sole survivor of these conversations…. I am in Remission/Chemopause, I need to hit 5 years to see if I survive.

Here are some facts from the American Lung Cancer Association:

http://www.lung.org/lung-disease/lung-cancer/resources/facts-figures/lung-cancer-fact-sheet.html

·        Lung cancer is the leading cancer killer in both men and women in the United States. In 1987, it surpassed breast cancer to become the leading cause of cancer deaths in women.

·        The lung cancer five-year survival rate (17.8%) is lower than many other leading cancer sites, such as the colon (65.4%), breast (90.5%) and prostate (99.6%).

·        The five-year survival rate for lung cancer is 54.0 percent for cases detected when the disease is still localized (within the lungs). However, only 15 percent of lung cancer cases are diagnosed at an early stage. For distant tumors (spread to other organs) the five-year survival rate is only 4.0 percent.

·        Over half of people with lung cancer die within one year of being diagnosed.

Surprisingly, Pot Smokers are not getting Lung Cancer at the same rate as others.

 “Like tobacco smoke, marijuana smoke contains cancer-causing chemicals.  There are 33 cancer-causing chemicals contained in marijuana. Marijuana smoke also deposits tar into the lungs.” (American Lung Cancer Association)    

Let’s ponder that for a moment….ok, pondered it, guess Inappropriate Happiness isn't all bad.

Sigh…..ok I have said what I feel needed to be said, I speak from the heart, always have….. I hope people listen….

Today, December 22, 2014, Joe Cocker, a musical legend has been lost, his voiced silenced.  My sympathies to his family and millions of fans.  May he rest in Peace…..

Love Lifts Us Up

Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world, few hearts survive
All I know is the way I feel
When it's real, I keep it alive

The road is long, there are mountains in our way
But we climb a step every day

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow

Some hang on to "used to be"
Live their lives, looking behind
All we have is here and now
All our life, out there to find

The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb them a step every day…….

Love

Rebecca 

4 years later……

4 years later……

On this day, 4 years ago, October 20, 2010, I was told… “You have Cancer”.  

That was 1,461 days ago, (in case you’re curious). It’s a phone call I will never forget, it’s a phone call that I want to forget….

….It was only 3 months and 22 days after my Dad died from Cancer ( June 28, 2010). 

It was heart wrenching to tell my children that I was now sick too. It was equally as hard to tell my Mom and siblings. And then to tell my friends……..

The life of a Cancer patient is not easy; don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Don’t think for a minute that it is all sunshine and rainbows…as most of us hide our real feelings and the real pictures/photos of how the treatments have/had affected us.

 Don’t judge others for their choices that they make, if you have not been in their position. (this is in regards to recent news reports about Cancer patients making life choices)

Living in Chemopause (also known as Remission- a word I don’t use)  is not an easy life, there is the constant worrying and stress of not knowing if/and/or when your Cancer will come back. Scanxiety is uncontrollable when testing is scheduled.  I am now 3 years and 2 months into Chemopause.  I cherish every day. I try to make things better for other Cancer patients through Rebecca’s Chemo Closet and through friendships I have made with other Cancer patients. I have found people, people have found me and we support each other, as there are no support groups for my Cancer. 

Blaming people for the type of Cancer they have is inexcusable. Genetics and environment play a huge part for many…..

At a Cancer event that I went to on Friday, one of the speakers, a psychiatrist whose practice is cancer patients, handed out a pamphlet in regards to her talk. It’s called “Resilience and Coping”. There is a lot of good info as to what Resilient people worry about; info about understanding that living through the Cancer experience can be one of the most stressful times in your life, allowing your feelings to come through to others, not forcing a positive attitude for the benefit of others. I just sat there nodding my head, like OMG, finally someone gets it!

I woke up this morning with Elton John’s song “I’m still standing” running through my head. J I love the video, I love these lyrics.    Help, it wont stop..LOL.

I hope you are all enjoying the leaves and trees and the color changes, it’s beautiful, make sure you take a minute or two to look around and see the beauty around you!

Love & hugs,

Rebecca

Chemopause 3- “The Musical”

Chemopause 3- “The Musical”

Chem-o-pause (noun/adjective)

 Source of word: Made up by Rebecca Mayer

Definition: 1. The pause in chemo that happens when you are in Remission

Pause-temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty

Hi All,

Today I celebrate Chemopause 3- “The Musical” (LOL, it just felt like it should say that)

Please feel free to make up a song and sing it to me. Hmmm, maybe I should make up a song too. I know I don’t write much in my blog, I do however write a great deal on scraps of paper, journals, notebooks, my hands…..well you get the point. Sometimes my thoughts are just too private to share with anyone.

We all feel like that at times.

But today I share this with you, I hope you read it.

As of today August 10, 2014, I have been in Chemopause (see above definition) for:

3 years
36 months old.
157 weeks old.
1,096 days old.
26,323 hours old.
1,579,403 minutes old.
94,764,206 seconds old.

As I stated in my last posting, no I did not become a Math Genius from all that freaking chemo and radiation! There is a great site I use for people’s birthdays, it’s a lot of fun/cool facts, check it out, plug your birthday in: http://www.paulsadowski.com/Birthday.asp

It’s been a decent year, a lot of things happening in my little world. Good things, sad things….changes galore.

J In HAPPY NEWS: 

Rachel  will be getting married in 1 year and 18 days!!!! She found the perfect wedding gown a few weeks ago, she is stunning in it!!!! It made me cry when she walked out!! This is such a happy thing for all of us!  I can’t wait to walk my baby girl walk down the aisle!

Michael graduated High School in June! He is leaving for college in 10 days! He’s going to Edinboro University in Edinboro, Pa (near Erie Pa, 7 ½ hours away, over 400 miles) He will be majoring in Forensic Science, in the HONORS Program!! He wants to do blood spatter and DNA analysis! All those years of horror movies and Dexter seem to have had an effect on him. LOL.

My grapevines have gone totally ballistic!! It’s time to make jelly this week! I can’t wait to do that! 

Sadly 2 of my beautiful Butterfly bushes didn’t make it through the hellish winter we had, but my hummingbirds are here in full force and the other 2 butterfly bushes are blooming, so I do have butterflies. My yard is like a Broomall version of Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel. I had an eagle here a week or so ago, hawks circling, turkey vultures, the possum is enjoying the grapes that fall on the ground, as are the birds and squirrels and other creatures that make it over or under my fence to get to the food. The hummingbirds still come right up to my face and chirp that amazes me every time!

A friend of mine recently said that she envisions me as Snow White in my yard. J That really made me smile! (now where did my 7 little friends go??)

Health wise I am doing ok. 

Still dealing with a bunch of long term side effects, knowing now that they will never go away. Trying to find some alternative ways to deal with certain long term issues.

I stopped the medicine I was taking for the neuropathy, as it was affecting my mental status and made me so depressed, that I was thinking things that were not normal. It’s bizarre the effects that medicine can have on people, and I think what’s even more bizarre is that doctors do not always inform patients of the serious things to look out for while on certain meds. My surgeon told me to throw the meds out, I did. The medicine made me feel suicidal.

I still take meds for bone and muscle pain when I need to. They help on those bad nights.

There needs to be more support for ALL Cancer patients to deal with the long term issues you face after treatment. It seems that some oncologist feel that a ‘treat and street” you approach is ok, it’s NOT! I could go on and on about what it’s like to be me, but we all have things to deal with in our lives.

I have a wonderful oncology social worker who is helping me to find my new voice in this new part of my life. One of the things that she has suggested is “Love yourself fiercely”….I like that, I’m trying….. She also had me read Rumi’s “The Guesthouse” recently, pretty powerful stuff. Here is the link if you want to read this poem. http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/guest_house.htm

I am getting back to my artist self, I have missed creating!! I’m fusing glass and making pendants, assemblage art, re-working dolls that I find at flea markets (horror style). Yes, eventually I will post some pics of my art and I am working on getting an Etsy shop up for my glass work. My camera is a huge part of my world, I love shooting pics….someday I want an extreme zoom lens.

I miss the college days, having a studio to work in, creating nonstop, and exploring ways to express myself.  

Life is a journey! Don’t waste your journey! J

For my friends who are living with Cancer, caring for someone with Cancer or have lost a loved one to Cancer, I send you my love and understanding. I am here if you ever need me!

Now get outside and check out the Super Moon and start watching for the meteor shower!

 That’s where I will be later tonight.  

Make a wish if you see a shooting star!!

Peaceful wishes & Love

Rebecca