Taking October Back or 731 Days Later

I’m taking October back…again. J  A few of my friends are laughing at me right now, they know me well. I refuse to get any testing done this month, it will wait until November. This month belongs to me, it was taken away from me 731 days ago, and it won’t get taken from me again. October has always been a good special kind of month for me. It’s the month I got married 25 years ago, it’s my favorite holiday, Halloween (when you get to be someone other than yourself for a day),it’s my younger brother’s birthday month, it’s the time when all the leaves start turning beautiful colors; it’s a time of change.      

October 20, 2010, I heard the 3 words that nobody ever wants to hear, the 3 words that will change your life forever. “You have CANCER”.  Three horrible life altering words. Ugh.

It’s been two years today since I was diagnosed with Non-Small Cell Adenocarcinoma Lung Cancer Stage 3A. (by the way for anyone who is curious, Lung Cancer is the leading cause of death from Cancer and the type I have is the most prevalent form of cancer in Non smokers)

 I call this my Cancer Anniversary. I am in remission (knock wood) and have been out of chemo for 1 year as of August.  I have hair that is just now touching my shoulders! Woohoo!!!! My life still consists of test after test, a power port is still implanted in my chest for drawing blood and administering drugs, I want it out but have to wait, still have the neuropathy in my hands/feet (loss of feeling caused by chemo) and pain from damage caused by surgery and treatment. There is no magical cure for cancer, there is no ‘ta-da you are all better” especially for the people who are given heavy duty radiation and chemo. The treatments take a toll on your body, as the drugs don’t know how to distinguish between healthy cells and cancer cells, the drugs attack everything. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful, just tired and wishing I felt more like the me I was 732 days ago. It’s hard to live with the threat hanging over your head on a daily basis, knowing that every 4 months you will be checked to see if your cancer has shown up somewhere else in your body. Talk about anxiety! I have always been very honest with how this has affected me and I hope you don’t mind reading the honest truth.

Cancer affects everybody. All types of cancer are equally horrible and should be equally supported and awareness should be raised. For those that I know who feel lost and not supported, just know that I love you and I get it. . It’s why my bumper sticker has a mutli colored ribbon on it and just plainly states ‘Cancer Sucks”. I’m so proud of my son Michael for wearing his “Cancer Sucks” tee shirt to school. (ok, how many mom’s say stuff like that? LOL) and I’m proud of him for standing up and telling people that there are a lot of cancer’s and that people need to be more compassionate towards others. I’m proud of my daughter Rachel for always thinking of how she can help others in this fight for their lives against cancer. I think my kids are amazing. I think their friends are amazing. I think my friends are amazing. J

So, the house is decorated for Halloween. My zombies are outside along with my giant spiders and tombstones. So far so good, no snow on my zombies this year! My grapes turned out great as you know, but my pumpkins suffered. I only got one teeny tiny pumpkin this year. Guess I’ll have to buy one to carve. Mikey and I have a tradition, after our Halloween pumpkin starts rotting, we bash it with baseball bats, it feels good, gets out some of the frustrations that life holds and its actually very funny to see!

“Firework” has been my song since this journey started, so I leave you with this line, “If you only knew what the future holds, after a hurricane, comes a rainbow”

Hoping all of us get a rainbow in our lives.

xoxo