I’m taking October
back…again. J A few of my friends are laughing at me right
now, they know me well. I refuse to get any testing done this month, it will
wait until November. This month belongs to me,
it was taken away from me 731 days ago, and it won’t get taken from me again.
October has always been a good special kind of month for me. It’s the month I got
married 25 years ago, it’s my favorite holiday, Halloween (when you get to be
someone other than yourself for a day),it’s my younger brother’s birthday
month, it’s the time when all the leaves start turning beautiful colors; it’s a
time of change.
October 20, 2010, I heard the 3 words that nobody ever wants to hear,
the 3 words that will change your life forever. “You have CANCER”. Three horrible life altering words. Ugh.
It’s been two years today since I was diagnosed with Non-Small Cell
Adenocarcinoma Lung Cancer Stage 3A. (by the way for anyone who is curious, Lung
Cancer is the leading cause of death from Cancer and the type I have is the
most prevalent form of cancer in Non
smokers)
I call this my Cancer Anniversary. I am in remission (knock wood)
and have been out of chemo for 1 year as of August. I have hair that is just now touching my
shoulders! Woohoo!!!! My life still consists of test after test, a power port is
still implanted in my chest for drawing blood and administering drugs, I want
it out but have to wait, still have the neuropathy in my hands/feet (loss of
feeling caused by chemo) and pain from damage caused by surgery and treatment.
There is no magical cure for cancer, there is no ‘ta-da you are all better”
especially for the people who are given heavy duty radiation and chemo. The
treatments take a toll on your body, as the drugs don’t know how to distinguish
between healthy cells and cancer cells, the drugs attack everything. Don’t get
me wrong, I am grateful, just tired and wishing I felt more like the me I was
732 days ago. It’s hard to live with the threat hanging over your head on a
daily basis, knowing that every 4 months you will be checked to see if your
cancer has shown up somewhere else in your body. Talk about anxiety! I have
always been very honest with how this has affected me and I hope you don’t mind
reading the honest truth.
Cancer affects everybody. All types
of cancer are equally horrible and should be equally supported and awareness should
be raised. For those that I know who feel lost and not supported, just know
that I love you and I get it. . It’s why my bumper sticker has a mutli colored
ribbon on it and just plainly states ‘Cancer Sucks”. I’m so proud of my son
Michael for wearing his “Cancer Sucks” tee shirt to school. (ok, how many mom’s
say stuff like that? LOL) and I’m proud of him for standing up and telling
people that there are a lot of cancer’s and that people need to be more
compassionate towards others. I’m proud of my daughter Rachel for always
thinking of how she can help others in this fight for their lives against
cancer. I think my kids are amazing. I think their friends are amazing. I think
my friends are amazing. J
So, the house is decorated for Halloween. My zombies are outside along
with my giant spiders and tombstones. So far so good, no snow on my zombies
this year! My grapes turned out great as you know, but my pumpkins suffered. I
only got one teeny tiny pumpkin this year. Guess I’ll have to buy one to carve.
Mikey and I have a tradition, after our Halloween pumpkin starts rotting, we
bash it with baseball bats, it feels good, gets out some of the frustrations
that life holds and its actually very funny to see!
“Firework” has been my song since this journey started, so I leave you
with this line, “If you only knew what
the future holds, after a hurricane, comes a rainbow”
Hoping all of us get a rainbow in our lives.
xoxo
