day by day

Well last weeks chemo didn't go well at all....3 reactions, progressively worse each time Taxol was administered...I thought I was gonna die....and I'm not being dramatic.....I felt like hell. I do however have to give major credit to Sandy - for being there with me and having to see how bad it got, she is amazing.And for giving me my Neulasta shot! Also my chemo nurses- talk about incredible people! They kept me calm, helped me and made sure I was ok. My favorite nurse Caroline had Sandy give her a saline shot to practice on her before having to give me the shot the next day. They listened!! They understood and they cared. I am now going to be on a 2 week chemo break, as my oncologist and I talked and she is replacing my Taxol w another agent. Not sure what it will be, but I will still be on my Carboplatinum chemo. I meet with doc on the 11th to go over new med. My daughter's pinning ceremony is on the 12th for Rad Tech and she graduates college on the 14th. I will be well enough to attend both ceremonies-since chemo is on hold for that week too. I wouldn't miss Rachel's graduation for anything! I'm so proud of her and all that she has accomplished in her 21 years!
Today was a better day, the bone pain from the Neulasta shot (for bone marrow) is subsiding, hurts most at night. Tonight I watched School House Rock with Michael and laughed...which was very much needed. I kmow my son worries about me and I know he is scared....I try to reassure him the best I can. I learned tonight that after the first failed surgery in November (the surgeon had to stop when he found it metasticized to lymph node)  ....as the surgeon walked away from my son, Michael flipped on his shuffle and Pink Floyds "On The Turning Away" came on....it hit my son hard, the song makes me cry as it does for him...and I realized that he sat there in that room surrounded by his dad,sister, aunt, ,uncle, friends, and yet he felt utterly alone with the song and his thoughts. kind of breaks my heart that this happened to him. But shows me how strong he tries to be....it took from November to May for him to tell me this. sigh.........ok, message here....don't keep things inside, tell someone, dont let the fear and sadness eat you up alone....share it, help each other in life. Be there for one another. it just might get someone else through a tough time in their life.
Life is too short to live it alone, live in fear, live for dying....we need to be able to live for living...take tehe gift of each new day and see where you can find a positive- even if its teensy weensy....grab a positive piece of your day and roll with it! a puppy pillow helps too!
with love

Bec