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| The Love of my brother Josh, who shave his head for me! |
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| Me and Deb wearing scarves, playing guess the cancer chick wehen out in public |
F & F’s….aka Family and Friends. I have got to say that my family amazes me! My kids, my husband, my siblings, my cousins and my nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles have all pulled together during this. After all if us facing the death of my Dad in June, there was a point where we all pulled together and then drifted for a moment or two in order to deal with our own personal grief over losing Dad. Finding out that I had cancer knocked everyone over and just didn’t seem fair at all. I think that was one of things that totally pissed me off, was that how could G-d do this to a family that just suffered a horrible loss, how could he ask them to go through this again? My younger nephew was scared I would die ;my nieces as well, and I reassure them that their Aunt Rif will not leave them and I will be here for them, might look a little funky and different but it will still be me. My darling Caroline lent me a tie dyed bandana that she made in Girl Scouts and I wear it proudly. My niece Rose wrote out all the lyrics to Katie Perry’s Firework song, which seems to have become my family song for me. All my little nieces’ and nephews came over and tried on my wigs, the afro the short black hair, the real wig that I could wear in out in public and course the neon PINK wig long haired wig that I bought offline at a party store, its everyone’s favorite. Very hot and looks great on!!My cousin’s and their children in Israel got to together and made me, the best hand designed designeds tee shirt, I wear them all the time!
I talk to all the kids on an open basis based on their ages and assure the ones who ask about death that I won’t die on then. I tell them that G-d isn’t ready for both their Zada (Yiddish for grandfather) and me to be there together yet! It would cause too much havoc in Heaven! When I state Cancer a day of No Hair, and I go out without a scarf or hat, I find that adults are so weird about it!!! The turn and stare and …look away around trying to avoid eye contact and whisper to the friends. I’ve been asked personal questions by unexpected adults “: Did you lose your HAIR down there too?????? They were all dying to know.so let me put it this way….YUP…smooth as a baby down below!
I give credit to a woman at acme while was picking out Valentines Cards next me line, tuned to me in the sweetest voice and dead serious and said I hope God see you through this and pray that you make it. It was said with such sincerity that she made me cry and I want to hug her, but she floated away like a angel. The impact that she left on a total stranger was amazing. I hope to run into her again in the store and give her a huge hug. Sometimes the simplest words mean so much.
Some of the adults approach me with question you wouldn’t normally ask a person, kind of like going up to a pregnant woman and touching her belly w/o permission asking about the weight of the baby, boy or girl ugly or pretty etc,,,. Kids on the other hand are more open in their reactions they, tend to take it all in and just smile these beautiful smiles at me. I got a hug book of notes from Joanne’s Kindergarten class, they blew me away with the love all for a lady they don’t now.
For all the friends that have stayed and are physically part of this ordeal, I thank you from the bottom heart…your help has gotten me thru some stuff times, with meals being made,contributions for groceries, rides, emails, cards and random emails. Some friends have come and gone, not being able to Handle this or how I look and I find that so sad and depressing, I am still ME damnit, bald, skinny, ME. But I have learned that people can only handle so much and if this scares you too much, well guess what darling it scares me too and I can’t run away from it. So if you’re one of those people, give me call, tell me you are afraid, let me explain it to you…My world is a bit lonely and I’d like you back as a friend. I want you to understand and I want you to be comfortable. But if that is not to be, then I wish you well.<3
Bec
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