Chemopause 6: A Time to Dance, a Time to Mourn

Chemopause 6: A Time to Dance, a Time to Mourn

Chem-o-pause (noun/adjective)

 Source of word: Made up by Rebecca Mayer

Definition: 1. The pause in chemo that happens when you are in Remission

Pause-temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty

Today I celebrate 6 years in Chemopause! I have decided to call it:

A Time to Dance, a Time to Mourn

(It has been a few difficult months with the loss of 2 friends)

As of today, I have been in Chemopause for:

6 years
72 months
313 weeks
2,192 days
52,622 hours
3,157,358 minutes
189,441,501 seconds

I know I usually make this yearly posting one full of positive things to express how I am feeling about hitting this milestone. This year, I am extremely grateful and will dance to celebrate (at my nephews wedding tomorrow), yet at the same time I am sad as I recently lost two good friends within 6 weeks of each other.

I would like to tell you a little bit about each one, as they were also Cancer Patients and we attended Support Group, Drumming, Cancer Seminars, Mindfulness Meditation and other events together over the past years. They were each amazing people.

I first met Lee at a Drumming Circle for Cancer Patients event over 4 years ago. (If you have never attended a Drumming Circle, go check one out! It’s really an amazing experience.)  Lee and I started talking that night; well, at first it was because he stole my favorite drum that I always like to use lol, but that was ok, because it lead to a friendship that was absolutely great! Lee was one of those people that I could really talk to, he understood me, and I understood him. We started going to Mindfulness Meditation together and for a full year, we were the only ones there. We got to know a lot more about each other, our lives-before and after our Cancer diagnosis, our children etc. We talked about how Cancer had changed us, changed people we thought we knew, changed our outlook on what was important in life and what we should just let go of. He was always very insightful and articulate! We talked about art, as we are both painters, music which we both shared a passion for, among other things.   I looked forward to seeing Lee at the different things we went to.

Eventually our friend Al started going to the events with us and the three of us were inseparable. I dubbed us “The Three Musketeers”. Everyone knew us as that! J We would save seats for each other, sit together, attend events and then huddle in the heat or cold outside afterwards and just catch up on whatever any of us needed to talk about. We called, talked, texted, Facebooked. I have some great photos of The Three Musketeers at different places.  We became a family.

Over the past 4 years, I have watched Lee fight like hell against his Cancer, good days mixed with bad, but most of the time with a very upbeat attitude and if the day was really bad then he would talk and we would listen. We all supported each other in a way others outside can’t understand.

I was really happy when Lee was able to come to Cancer Survivors Night on June 5th; I felt it may be the last time that the Three Musketeers got to sit together. We sat and talked and soaked in the time together.  I sit here crying as I try to type this….I have so much more to say, but it’s hard. The world lost Lee on June 16^th. He was truly a gift to this world and to me as a friend. May his memory be a blessing for his family. I miss you so much Lee!

I met Jan about a year and a half ago at Mindfulness Meditation. Talk about a sweet person! Jan was one of those people that you met and instantly liked. Her smile was the kind that lit up a room. Jan was very active in many different causes, especially Citizen’s Climate Lobby. She taught me about this group and what they were doing to help. She was brilliant and was in the first class to include women at Rutgers University. Jan was passionate about everything that she did. She also helped preserve over 80% of the natural landscape that is now The Haverford Reserve. (so the next time you are walking through there or hiking or at the dog park, this is the lady to whom you owe thanks) .

She always complimented my sparkly, glittery purple nail polish, but was hesitant to try it herself……so…I went and bought her a beautiful turquoise blue nail polish and glitter polish to top it off. (she wore a lot of blue). She came to our next event wearing the blue polish with sparkles and the biggest smile!!  Jan had a way of listening to you and really hearing what was behind what you were saying. Her smile was genuine, her caring for others was genuine, she was an angel. Jan passed away on July 29^th. I miss you very much Jan.

----------------------------------

I am still in Chemopause, but at the same time dealing with some issues that need to be looked into. I have been holding onto my Pet Scan script for 2 months now, as I really don’t want to do it, yet I know I need to do it.

 It’s the whole unknown thing and a big dose of Scanxiety. (unless you have dealt with this, you won’t really understand, so please don’t voice your opinion on what I need to ).  I don’t discuss when I am going for any type of scan, as I can’t handle anyone else’s anxiety about my scan, believe me, my own is quite enough. I will however let you all know when I finally go and what the results are, so keep positive vibes headed my way.

Good stuff:   

My son is heading back next weekend for his Senior Year at Edinboro University!! He has met someone and is very happy!! They will celebrate their one year anniversary in September!

My daughter is doing great and having fun raising an 8 month old puppy named Donut along with her older dog Bagel. They are the Breakfast Club! I can’t believe she will be married for 2 years at the end of this month.

I am so proud and blessed to be the mother of these two children!

I know this is turning into a novel length posting…so I will wrap it up before it becomes a feature length film with intermissions. LOL

This the song that I think best represents this past year for me

Turn, Turn, Turn – The Byrds

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Once again, stay cool in this ungodly heat, hug a friend, hug a puppy, look at the stars, eat the damn cake and chocolate, you deserve it (you only live once) and make the choices in life that are the best for you. Always be thankful for what you have.

For my friends who are living with Cancer, caring for someone with Cancer or have lost a loved one to Cancer, and in memory of my friends Lee and Jan. I send you my love and hugs. Be good to each other! Be kind to each other! Support each other! Take care of each other!

With love and hugs

Rebecca 

Chemopause 5, The Year of Rebecca!!!

Chemopause 5, The Year of Rebecca!!!

Chem-o-pause (noun/adjective)

 Source of word: Made up by Rebecca Mayer

Definition: 1. The pause in chemo that happens when you are in Remission

Pause-temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty

Today I celebrate 5 years in Chemopause! I have dubbed this:

                                                   The Year of Rebecca

Technically it’s the year of the monkey, but hell I deserve a year!

As of today, I have been in Chemopause for:

5 years
60 months
261 weeks  

1,827 days
 2,632,121 minutes
157,927,306 seconds  

When I started this hideous Cancer journey of mine, I was told that I had a 65% chance of surviving for 5 years. I count my survival from the date that I actually had my last chemo August 10, 2011 (other people count it other ways)…

hey guess what????

 I’M STILL HERE!!!!! I’M STILL STANDING!

I’ve survived 3 months of daily radiation, combined with weekly chemo, a 6 week hiatus from that, followed by life threatening surgery to remove my lymph nodes in my chest and my middle lobe of my right lung, followed by 6 weeks recovery and 3 months in a hospital bed in my living room, which was all followed by another 4 months of intense and extremely harsh chemo, which caused horrible reactions and necessitated 2 separate Platelet transfusion.

It’s been a scary few years for me and probably that anxiety of recurrence will never go away….

Walter got to wave the stuffed cat over me in April….my joke on Cat scan

I had a Cat Scan in April that wound up showing a 3mm spot in my left lung, unfortunately I saw the results on the Patient Portal before my doctor called me and I had a massive freak out….I’m allowed to, that’s some scary stuff. My original Cancer started out as a small spot on my right lung, so to see something like that on a report is terrifying.  My blood work was good, except for a CEA marker that has been going up…CEA stands for Carcinoembryonic Antigen. Nobody is sure what that is about, so we will watch this in future blood work. I am still in the single digits for that, so that’s a positive. My surgeon looked at the Cat Scan and did not freak out…but we decided to go for the Pet Scan to make sure nothing lit up.

So…..2 weeks ago, I snuck around like a teenager and went in for a Pet Scan at the hospital. I registered and was waiting when I realized that I forgot to have Walter wave one of the dogs over me before we left the house. I am VERY superstitious about the animal waving before my scans…so being the awesome guy that he is, he pulled up a photo of the dogs on his phone and we stood there in the hallway, with people all around us, and he waved his cell phone all over me, front and back. I was cracking up and honestly could care less what anyone thought. Once they took me back, I listened to my song “Moonlight Mile” for 60 minutes nonstop after my injection , you have to wait that amount of time for the injection to work its way through you entire body and nobody can be with you, it’s a lonely scary time and then I sang it to myself in my head throughout the 45 minute scan, as I am claustrophobic and cancer phobic. I also practiced selfies in that cold little room, lol they need work.

The results were good!! I won’t go into all the technical medical jargon; I know youguys would have to Google it, so let’s go with regular people words for now.

 Nothing lit up!! That’s a good thing!

Ok, small amount of technical stuff so you know why that’s important: The positron emission tomography (PET) scan creates computerized images of chemical changes, such as sugar metabolism, that take place in tissue. Typically, the patient is given an injection of a substance that consists of a combination of a sugar and a small amount of radioactively labeled sugar. The radioactive sugar can help in locating a tumor, because cancer cells take up or absorb sugar more avidly than other tissues in the body.

So, all that being said……I have hit 5 years in Chemopause!! This is a milestone for me!!! J

Will I run out and get something that says “Survivor” on it…probably not since I feel like that would bring me bad luck (a kinehorah for those who know Yiddish). 

I will continue to call this Chemopause- it’s my word I made up and I’m comfortable with it, plus it makes people laugh when I say it and explain it. 

I am going to make a shirt that says Chemopause x 5 stay tuned for a pic soon.

So for the most part, I think Sir Elton John’s song: “I’m Still Standing” says it for me right now, especially some of the lyrics and the chorus

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life……

Stay cool in this ungodly heat, hug a friend, hug a puppy, look at the stars, eat the damn cake and chocolate, you deserve it (you only live once) and always be thankful for what you have.

For my friends who are living with Cancer, caring for someone with Cancer or have lost a loved one to Cancer, and in memory of our friend Larry who recently passed away from cancer….. I send you my love and hugs. Be good to each other!

With love and hugs

Rebecca 

Chemopause 4 now in 3D- Grab those special glasses

Chemopause 4 now  in 3D- Grab those special glasses

Chem-o-pause (noun/adjective)

 Source of word: Made up by Rebecca Mayer

Definition: 1. The pause in chemo that happens when you are in Remission

Pause-temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty

Hi there,

Today I celebrate Chemopause 4 in 3D! Why 3D?  Why not…last year it was Chemopause the Musical, this year it’s 3D since I have recently seen some 3D movies.  Or maybe it’s because I am more than one dimensional, multi dimensional Rebecca, yep that makes sense to me, maybe to you also.

As of today I have been in Chemopause for

4 years
48 months
209 weeks
1,461 days
35,078 hours
2,104,691 minutes
126,281,485 seconds

It’s been a year of ups and downs, good, bad, in between as I’m sure everyone can relate to in their own lives. I am happy to be here. I am still dealing with pain, in my bones, so bad at times that I can’t do things I want to do. Other times it’s tolerable…it annoys the hell out of me. I gave up on trying to work out in a gym, as the treadmill just caused more pain and the elliptical (my old friend) is just not doable anymore for me. There are other treatment related issues I deal with but I won’t bore you with a big list. I’m a different version of me than I used to be.

 I’ve been attending a Cancer Support Meeting once a month, it just recently started and I am thankful for my Social Worker, Ruthmary for listening to me and others about the need for a support group for us “others”, the ones with Cancer’s that don’t have a huge support system…we are a mixed group of people.  We may be what I call the “others” but we are just as important and going through just as difficult times and feelings. Something we all seem to relate to in our little group. I’ve met and become friends with some really great people. It’s great to hear each other talk about things, because only a person who has gone through or is going through this journey, will ever be able to truly understand what is being said. People mean well when they comment “ You look great” or “Now you can put this behind you” , but in reality there is no putting it behind you, it is something we live with, memories that are scary, thoughts about the future that are just as scary. But we can also laugh about things, because as warped as it may seem at times, there are still things from this journey that make us smile. For me, it would be the day a new nurse flushed my port out with saline and missed the port and filled my boob with saline. Ok, it was very painful, stung like hell and I commented that I thought my ‘girls’ were just fine and didn’t need saline implants. Incidentally, that nurse didn’t last long at the office. Or my infamous “I’m Being Deported” tee shirt that I wore the day I got my port taken out. I love that my incredible surgeon has a photo in his office of me and him, with me wearing the shirt right before he took me into the OR. Also there is a picture of me in the hospital with my bald head, wearing my Dollar Store tiara and earrings, 4 days after lung surgery, as I declared myself the Cancer Queen (yes I was on heavy meds/morphine etc)

I was honored to be honored this year at Survivors Night; I received an award for my Rebecca’s Chemo Closet. It felt really great and I love that I can help others even in a small way.  I have started a GoFundMe page, as I am trying to raise money to buy more items for Cancer patients in need.  Please visit my page, a $5 donation will help buy nutrition drinks. http://www.gofundme.com/vt5t84

 I’m also really into Healing Touch and have been going for those sessions on a continuing basis. Ok, before you think that it’s some ‘smack you on the head, you are HEALED” thing, let me explain. It’s more of a mind/body experience and extremely relaxing. The definition is “Healing Touch is a therapy that helps to restore and balance energy that has been depleted due to stress, illness, injury, grief, medical conditions, surgery or medical treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation.”

The woman who volunteers her time for Cancer patients is just one of those amazing people that really cares about what she is doing and really helps me relax. Each session is an opportunity for me to relax my non-stop brain and just kind of float for a while.  I’ve also been doing Mindfulness Meditation, another way to leave yourself behind for a bit and let your mind go elsewhere.

Anxiety is a huge part of my journey, and learning new ways to deal with it are comforting to me.

In other news (ok, now I sound like an old holiday newsletter)….We now have 4 dogs, I have my own little pack going here!! Sophie came to us in November and Shilo came home in May. Shilo was born on my Dad’s birthday, March 18^th J Sophie just turned 1 in June, Marley just turned 9 and Katie is 13 and has dementia. It’s an interesting group of furballs and I love it!

Michael has been home since May and we take him back to college next Friday…sigh…I don’t know that I am ready for that yet…LOL, um he never fully unpacked for the summer so it should be easy to repack him up. I’m going to miss him a lot….. L But he has promised to skype more often this semester.

Rachel is getting married in 18 days!! OMG, my daughter is getting married in 18 days…. I really can’t believe how quickly time has flown by!! It sounds cliché, but it feels like she was just a tiny baby not too long ago. Her wedding gown is beyond gorgeous and just seeing her in it for fittings makes me cry. I can’t wait to share pics form the wedding. I’m so grateful that I am still here to see my baby girl walk down the aisle!

For my friends who are living with Cancer, caring for someone with Cancer or have lost a loved one to Cancer, I send you my love and hugs.

Although I may not always feel this way every day, I think this song says it for me this year:

(What a) Wonderful World

Song by Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses, too,
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white,
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands, sayin', "How do you do?"
They're really sayin', "I love you."

I hear babies cryin'. I watch them grow.
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world

J So go out and enjoy this wonderful world, look at the clouds, stare at the stars, find your rainbow and always be grateful for every day that you have.

With love and hugs

Rebecca

We get by with a little help from our friends….

We get by with a little help from our friends….

Joe Cocker died today at the age of 70, having succumbed to Small Cell Lung Cancer. His rendition of “With a Little Help from my Friends” at Woodstock in 1969, is my all-time favorite. The passion he had while singing always amazed me, his moves always made me smile. The loss of his voice and talent is tremendous. The loss of his life to Cancer is horrible. The loss of his life to LUNG CANCER hits home with me, as I too have Lung Cancer. Mine is Non-Small Cell Adenocarcinoma Stage 3A.

What makes me even sadder is that Joe Cocker’s death seems to have become a way for people to publicly blame the patient for the disease, based on comments I am reading.  This just makes me so sad. Over the past 3 years, I have learned that this is nothing new in the Cancer world…..this is nothing new in the regular world….I have yet to attend a Cancer Patient meeting/event where I have not heard this from other patients. I have yet to hear another patient or person blame a different type of Cancer patient for their disease. Nobody blames a Breast Cancer patient, nobody blames a Stomach Cancer patient etc. I am not trying to sound mean; I am just sad, angry and fed up. Nobody provides support; there are “no paint the town a color” months for us.  Yet people feel inclined to point out to Lung Cancer patients that ‘I bet you smoked’….the sad thing is in the past 2 years, I have held the hands of 2 dying friends, one who had Small Cell Lung Cancer and never smoked and one who had Small Cell Lung Cancer and did smoke, yet also worked as a mechanic and was exposed to numerous carcinogens.  We talked about the misconceptions, the blame game, the overall sadness and despair felt by Lung Cancer patients, the lack of support, the need to become each other’s support, the moments when one or more of us felt like ending it before it ended us. I sit here typing this, as the sole survivor of these conversations…. I am in Remission/Chemopause, I need to hit 5 years to see if I survive.

Here are some facts from the American Lung Cancer Association:

http://www.lung.org/lung-disease/lung-cancer/resources/facts-figures/lung-cancer-fact-sheet.html

·        Lung cancer is the leading cancer killer in both men and women in the United States. In 1987, it surpassed breast cancer to become the leading cause of cancer deaths in women.

·        The lung cancer five-year survival rate (17.8%) is lower than many other leading cancer sites, such as the colon (65.4%), breast (90.5%) and prostate (99.6%).

·        The five-year survival rate for lung cancer is 54.0 percent for cases detected when the disease is still localized (within the lungs). However, only 15 percent of lung cancer cases are diagnosed at an early stage. For distant tumors (spread to other organs) the five-year survival rate is only 4.0 percent.

·        Over half of people with lung cancer die within one year of being diagnosed.

Surprisingly, Pot Smokers are not getting Lung Cancer at the same rate as others.

 “Like tobacco smoke, marijuana smoke contains cancer-causing chemicals.  There are 33 cancer-causing chemicals contained in marijuana. Marijuana smoke also deposits tar into the lungs.” (American Lung Cancer Association)    

Let’s ponder that for a moment….ok, pondered it, guess Inappropriate Happiness isn't all bad.

Sigh…..ok I have said what I feel needed to be said, I speak from the heart, always have….. I hope people listen….

Today, December 22, 2014, Joe Cocker, a musical legend has been lost, his voiced silenced.  My sympathies to his family and millions of fans.  May he rest in Peace…..

Love Lifts Us Up

Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world, few hearts survive
All I know is the way I feel
When it's real, I keep it alive

The road is long, there are mountains in our way
But we climb a step every day

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow

Some hang on to "used to be"
Live their lives, looking behind
All we have is here and now
All our life, out there to find

The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb them a step every day…….

Love

Rebecca 

4 years later……

4 years later……

On this day, 4 years ago, October 20, 2010, I was told… “You have Cancer”.  

That was 1,461 days ago, (in case you’re curious). It’s a phone call I will never forget, it’s a phone call that I want to forget….

….It was only 3 months and 22 days after my Dad died from Cancer ( June 28, 2010). 

It was heart wrenching to tell my children that I was now sick too. It was equally as hard to tell my Mom and siblings. And then to tell my friends……..

The life of a Cancer patient is not easy; don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Don’t think for a minute that it is all sunshine and rainbows…as most of us hide our real feelings and the real pictures/photos of how the treatments have/had affected us.

 Don’t judge others for their choices that they make, if you have not been in their position. (this is in regards to recent news reports about Cancer patients making life choices)

Living in Chemopause (also known as Remission- a word I don’t use)  is not an easy life, there is the constant worrying and stress of not knowing if/and/or when your Cancer will come back. Scanxiety is uncontrollable when testing is scheduled.  I am now 3 years and 2 months into Chemopause.  I cherish every day. I try to make things better for other Cancer patients through Rebecca’s Chemo Closet and through friendships I have made with other Cancer patients. I have found people, people have found me and we support each other, as there are no support groups for my Cancer. 

Blaming people for the type of Cancer they have is inexcusable. Genetics and environment play a huge part for many…..

At a Cancer event that I went to on Friday, one of the speakers, a psychiatrist whose practice is cancer patients, handed out a pamphlet in regards to her talk. It’s called “Resilience and Coping”. There is a lot of good info as to what Resilient people worry about; info about understanding that living through the Cancer experience can be one of the most stressful times in your life, allowing your feelings to come through to others, not forcing a positive attitude for the benefit of others. I just sat there nodding my head, like OMG, finally someone gets it!

I woke up this morning with Elton John’s song “I’m still standing” running through my head. J I love the video, I love these lyrics.    Help, it wont stop..LOL.

I hope you are all enjoying the leaves and trees and the color changes, it’s beautiful, make sure you take a minute or two to look around and see the beauty around you!

Love & hugs,

Rebecca

Chemopause 3- “The Musical”

Chemopause 3- “The Musical”

Chem-o-pause (noun/adjective)

 Source of word: Made up by Rebecca Mayer

Definition: 1. The pause in chemo that happens when you are in Remission

Pause-temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty

Hi All,

Today I celebrate Chemopause 3- “The Musical” (LOL, it just felt like it should say that)

Please feel free to make up a song and sing it to me. Hmmm, maybe I should make up a song too. I know I don’t write much in my blog, I do however write a great deal on scraps of paper, journals, notebooks, my hands…..well you get the point. Sometimes my thoughts are just too private to share with anyone.

We all feel like that at times.

But today I share this with you, I hope you read it.

As of today August 10, 2014, I have been in Chemopause (see above definition) for:

3 years
36 months old.
157 weeks old.
1,096 days old.
26,323 hours old.
1,579,403 minutes old.
94,764,206 seconds old.

As I stated in my last posting, no I did not become a Math Genius from all that freaking chemo and radiation! There is a great site I use for people’s birthdays, it’s a lot of fun/cool facts, check it out, plug your birthday in: http://www.paulsadowski.com/Birthday.asp

It’s been a decent year, a lot of things happening in my little world. Good things, sad things….changes galore.

J In HAPPY NEWS: 

Rachel  will be getting married in 1 year and 18 days!!!! She found the perfect wedding gown a few weeks ago, she is stunning in it!!!! It made me cry when she walked out!! This is such a happy thing for all of us!  I can’t wait to walk my baby girl walk down the aisle!

Michael graduated High School in June! He is leaving for college in 10 days! He’s going to Edinboro University in Edinboro, Pa (near Erie Pa, 7 ½ hours away, over 400 miles) He will be majoring in Forensic Science, in the HONORS Program!! He wants to do blood spatter and DNA analysis! All those years of horror movies and Dexter seem to have had an effect on him. LOL.

My grapevines have gone totally ballistic!! It’s time to make jelly this week! I can’t wait to do that! 

Sadly 2 of my beautiful Butterfly bushes didn’t make it through the hellish winter we had, but my hummingbirds are here in full force and the other 2 butterfly bushes are blooming, so I do have butterflies. My yard is like a Broomall version of Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel. I had an eagle here a week or so ago, hawks circling, turkey vultures, the possum is enjoying the grapes that fall on the ground, as are the birds and squirrels and other creatures that make it over or under my fence to get to the food. The hummingbirds still come right up to my face and chirp that amazes me every time!

A friend of mine recently said that she envisions me as Snow White in my yard. J That really made me smile! (now where did my 7 little friends go??)

Health wise I am doing ok. 

Still dealing with a bunch of long term side effects, knowing now that they will never go away. Trying to find some alternative ways to deal with certain long term issues.

I stopped the medicine I was taking for the neuropathy, as it was affecting my mental status and made me so depressed, that I was thinking things that were not normal. It’s bizarre the effects that medicine can have on people, and I think what’s even more bizarre is that doctors do not always inform patients of the serious things to look out for while on certain meds. My surgeon told me to throw the meds out, I did. The medicine made me feel suicidal.

I still take meds for bone and muscle pain when I need to. They help on those bad nights.

There needs to be more support for ALL Cancer patients to deal with the long term issues you face after treatment. It seems that some oncologist feel that a ‘treat and street” you approach is ok, it’s NOT! I could go on and on about what it’s like to be me, but we all have things to deal with in our lives.

I have a wonderful oncology social worker who is helping me to find my new voice in this new part of my life. One of the things that she has suggested is “Love yourself fiercely”….I like that, I’m trying….. She also had me read Rumi’s “The Guesthouse” recently, pretty powerful stuff. Here is the link if you want to read this poem. http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/guest_house.htm

I am getting back to my artist self, I have missed creating!! I’m fusing glass and making pendants, assemblage art, re-working dolls that I find at flea markets (horror style). Yes, eventually I will post some pics of my art and I am working on getting an Etsy shop up for my glass work. My camera is a huge part of my world, I love shooting pics….someday I want an extreme zoom lens.

I miss the college days, having a studio to work in, creating nonstop, and exploring ways to express myself.  

Life is a journey! Don’t waste your journey! J

For my friends who are living with Cancer, caring for someone with Cancer or have lost a loved one to Cancer, I send you my love and understanding. I am here if you ever need me!

Now get outside and check out the Super Moon and start watching for the meteor shower!

 That’s where I will be later tonight.  

Make a wish if you see a shooting star!!

Peaceful wishes & Love

Rebecca